||[January 09, 2011 | 06:59 AM]
I am guessing that the people reading this space is of age and are mature young adults or adults. This entry is really not for prudes.
Please, read this with an open mind. I am guessing that you (reading this) are a liberal, mature adult.
I am aware that it is now 5.37am and it is almost insane to be writing about this at this hour, but I am too disturbed to sleep after a day with my boys.
We talked about life, and we shared our views about life and certain things. The topic on sex pissed me off too much, and it wasn't the topic that pissed me off.
I was asked if I would ditch a guy if he has a small package. And because my girls and I have talked about this too many times, I told him yes.
Assuming that the guy I'm dating is for marriage, I won't waste my time because good sex is essential for a happy, long-lasting marriage.
Marriage is not all about love, family and kids. It is about love, family and kids but that is not all there is to it. There's also money and sex amongst other things.
Unlike guys who can be satisfied with just about any kind of hole (as long as it's not loose beyond belief), you really have to admit that size does matter.
I am not even saying that it has to be huge, I'm just saying that it has to be the perfect fit. Just like the way how some people find that they fit perfectly into their partner's arms.
It is not lust for something bigger and better, it is a requirement that it shouldn't fall short of what is enough for a flourishing love life.
Imagine being married to somebody who is 'less than what you can handle', and please, girls, don't lie.
Exactly how long can you fake it? 3 years? 5 years tops? I don't know about you, but I intend to stay married for as long as I can so make that 40 years. And assuming that you wouldn't be sexually active when you're about 50 and above, that would be about 30 years.
Can you fake it for 30 years? It is an honest question that I ask myself.
You really don't have to agree with me on anything because everybody has different views on such things. It's just like you don't see adults teaching another couple how to parent their kids or how to raise a family.
It is my belief that in such modern times, sex is honestly not just a "i'll give it to you as long as you are happy because I love you" situation anymore. Maybe in my parents' generation, but really, not anymore.
Women have every single right to ask for sex, refuse sex, and also to have expectations of it instead of doing it because "my boyfriend/husband wants to".
In other words, the wife, WHO IS ALSO A WOMAN, deserves the right to find joy in this magnificent act of love.
It is sacred, it is "the forbidden fruit", it is an act of love, so why must she be faking it just to make the man happy?
Does she not have the right to choose what is good for her?
I mean, guys go on forever about boobs. They will talk about it if it's too small, or if it's too weird, or this or that.
They want a certain size because some sizes are too small or too big.
They nitpick girls' figures before they even decide to be with them.
And that's okay because men have been doing that since... Cowboys were born, Sun Wu Kong was born, Jesus was born, Sun Yat Sen was born. Anyway, they have been doing that since long before your time.
And now when women are more comfortable with speaking up and choosing what they want for themselves, they are "shallow"?
Which, by the way, my friend said I was.
21, going on 22 years of living, nobody has ever said I was shallow. Bimbotic, yes. But never shallow.
And now I am "shallow" because I said that I will never marry a man/be in a marriage with somebody who cannot satisfy sexually? How does that even make sense?
This really isn't about sex anymore. I have NOT ONCE judged them with whatever they do to girls or their sexcapades, but I was judged because I told them that modern women have every right to choose what they want -- including the packages of the partners THEY WILL LIVE WITH FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.
I haven't been this pissed with my guy friends in a very, very long time. I know them for 9 years and I have never been this pissed.
And I was so annoyed, I said the one line that I never thought I would ever say, "You are just saying that I am shallow because I am a woman. Just because society 'disallows' such talk by women, we are automatically 'shallow' because we talk about dick sizes, and we get frowned upon when we talk about sex openly. But it is okay for men to talk about boobs and sex."
I went on to ask him, "if I am having bad sex for 30 years just because society disallows such "inappropriate talk/thought" and because it won't be nice if I broke up with said boyfriend because of that, who will be responsible of my happiness? You? The society?"
The only person responsible of my future and my happiness is myself. It is my life, it doesn't make sense if I followed, say, my neighbour's standard's for living or marriage, because different people need different things. Different things make different people happy or sad.
If you think that what makes you happy, what you want in life is to be a housewife -- tend to kids, tend to the family, make sure the entire household is in order, tending to your husband like a 60s wife -- but the society's standards are that you HAVE to be working, and so you work. You have less time with your children because both your husband and you are working.
You do office work instead of tending to your home and in-laws and parents.
You are not happy because you don't want to be in the rat race, but thanks to the "judgements" and influences from your friends, family and the society, you work 9am - 6pm five days a week.
You just want to be a housewife.
Who, then, is responsible for your happiness in the end?
I think it's cool that he doesn't agree with me. I don't expect everybody to agree with me either, because you are responsible for yourself. It is one thing to not accept my view (and have his own), and to pass judgements and pass personal comments ("shallow").
It's just like bringing somebody to have prawn mee that I love and he doesn't like it. I'd be cool with that. But wouldn't it be pushing it to say that my taste in food sucks/I don't know food?
I am way past the gender equality bullfuck because I never thought it existed. But I have always thought that Singaporeans are getting liberal, but apparently not so much.
A mega long way to go before men start listening to what women really want. It is not about getting what they want, it is about respecting that women CAN ASK for what they want, just like men.
My friend might have misunderstood me big time and thought that I think sex is the most important part of marriage.
Like I said, it is not the be all and end all of a marriage (TO ME), but it is essential for a good, happy, long-lasting marriage just like love, money and family.
If we should split up the different elements to marriage, there would be love (25%), money (25%), family (25%) and sex (25%).
According to him, it shouldn't be the most important thing and even if it was bad, it shouldn't even matter to the marriage because as long as you love your husband and want a family, it shouldn't matter.
Which means we'd be covering 25% and settle for 75%?
So your marriage lives on love, money and family-building, but you compromise on good sex because it is "not important to have"?
If love isn't important to marriage since there is no such thing as 'forever love' (you'd eventually be bored of one another after some 30 or 50 years), your marriage would be surviving on minimal love, a lot of money, kids and sex (pure sex without much love). This is a true life story. This is real. I actually know of marriages that are like that. They don't end well. Duh?
Marriage without money won't work out if you have a lot of love, a lot of sex and end up with too many children.
Marriage without children, but a lot of love, a lot of sex and money. Some couples would prefer this, but they will find themselves lonely. Pressure from their in-laws would be enough to make their lives depressing.
Everything boils down to what you want, no?
Go figure it out yourself.
Seriously, fuck this.